Yesterday I had an old family friend ask me a question.
"How did you know Josh was the one for you?"
My answer was more like a history than a direct reply...
"Well at eleven I met him again for the first time since I was three. I decided I liked the name Josh (thanks to Clueless, the movie) and I thought his mushroom cut was cute.
When we reconnected again at sixteen and seventeen I just knew he was it. He was growing to become my best friend and I loved the way he was passionate about his faith."
This beautiful (and at the moment, but not forever) unmarried friend said thanks...
"But really what is this "knowing" that everyone mysteriously claims to feel?"
And while I could have left it, I wanted to understand what it was too.
Thinking about those years of waiting faithfully (and dramatically) for The Hubby to grow into knowing too were much more than me stubbornly knowing.
So my answer was this:
"Well the knowing felt more like a belonging than a mind-knowledge. Like a fit, something that just made me feel more me... over the years of dating on and off it remained a conviction more than a want, something I couldn't ignore... and strangely enough, it's usually the ladies that "know" it."
This friend thanked me for my thoughts and expressed that she would like to someday know that knowing as well... (and I'm positive she will), but that little back and forth blessed me more than she could have realized.
There are times in the haze and struggle and joy of life that the daily grind removes all treasured memory of why I am where I am. While I am adoringly, wonderfully and deeply in love with Hubby, remembering why I am in the first place makes me feel more me once again.
And these last few days I've needed to feel more me.
The Hubby is home in four days now... The four longest days ever, but in that time I will share the fun wedding I attended on the weekend, the massive picnic playdate yesterday, and I'm sure a lot more. Anything to make the time fly by...