How I Walk.

March 1st.

I woke up irritable and with a pink eye. Bad news since Mondays are my day at Simcoe Hall and if anyone there catches the dreaded pussy redness it spreads like wildfire and does NOT go away. (Thank goodness there is a homeopathic remedy that usually works super quick on ridding it.)

My parents were already roped into babysitting and the kiddos would not let them off the hook, so I am doing other work today: itemizing and creating an inventory list for Cherryapple Art Accessories. (blah, ick, ugh)

Since I obviously love doing the boring paperwork that must go hand in hand with starting up a business, I thought I would head somewhere more interesting to bore myself. And here I sit in an adorable coffee shop called Hy-Tea complete with linen table cloths, delicate mugs and great music. (When it first opened two years ago I expected to see a small Asian couple owning it. The "Hy" part made me assume, because when I lived in Thornhill everything was called Hy. But lo and behold it is a funny Jamaican lady and two big guys, one of them has dread locks... LOVE IT... way to kill stereotypes!)

It's a short walk to the lake. 9 minutes by myself, 11 pushing a stroller and 6 running (I run with the grace of a duck and as slow as an armadillo, quite a sight to see), but I needed the walk today. I needed fresh air and to feel alive on day one of the dreaded month of March. God gave me an easy start to begin the attitude change. Sunshine and a warm breeze (for March).

Walking here was a reminder of life before marriage and kids.

When I lived in Toronto I walked everywhere. I took the bus and the subway and never took a taxi, no, not even once!

I would pack my (duffel) shoulder bag and stick my favourite Cd into the portable player, squeeze my headphones in and traipse off to the nearest TTC stop. I wore a jean jacket with fake fur lining and lived in my Adidas runners.

Today not much has changed. I pretty much look the same only I wear a leather satin lined jacket and live in my fake Uggs. Oh, and I listen to my iPhone instead of to Cd's.

And Lifehouse is still the music of choice. Their sound has changed since Hanging By A Moment, but it's still Jason Wade(ahhh)'s voice.

In the same way I am still Rebecca, my sound has changed but it's still my voice.

When I walked I thought. Most of the time it was good but we all have our unpleasantnesses. I would either walk myself up, to and through the door of self-assurance or I would beat myself back, step by step into the pit of D-i-sPair (think Princess Bride).

I had NO idea about the future, and I was fearful about the present.

Now I am living a wonderful "future". Better than I would've dreamt for myself. That being said, although there is a set direction it's a fuzzy picture. I know that it takes but a second for the world to fall apart. I don't take the good days for granted.

I like these moments where I see me as me. Not as a role I live. (Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother, Friend, Responsible Adult.)

I like to see how I walk.